I was venting to one of my Mommy friends about something that has been weighing on my shoulders lately.
Being shit on.
That is my issue. I carry my issue with me everywhere I go. So, allow me vent about my issue. This may sound so middle school to you so if it does just stop reading. These are my issues and I am throwing them out.
I am a good person. I help people. I care about people to my fullest capacity. I TRULY care about people. I will not give my time if I didn't care. So, if you are going to put me in your life...don't shit on me. Ok? That is all I ask. If I render my services watching your child after school, then please pay me on Fridays like we agreed upon, unless we have discussed it ahead of time. If you forget one time, its okay. Cuz I am human too. Cuz I care about you. I spend my time with your child. I care. But please pay me. I do this for a living. And I do it cheap. My husband tells me everyday. Please don't take advantage of me. It really upsets me. I could wrap my hands around someone like me and squeeze if I were watching my child. EMBRACE me damnit cuz your next child care provider may not be as FLEXIBLE and CARING as I.
All my "old" friends. Where did you go? Is your life that busy that you can't make time for one damn email? Can you not keep up with me? Did I do something? All the ol' insecurities from HS are coming out. I care about you. I miss our friendships. I miss the laughter. Granted I found 3 great friends in my own neighborhood who are way better and care. All those friendships I have had in the past, or so I thought I did, don't exist today. The only ones who have made it are 2 college friends who will be in my top 5 friends when I die. They are here for me for life. They don't shit on me. They care me and I care about them. So, you are missing out cuz you can't take the time and you think Myspace, blogging, or facebook are a waste of time. Oh well, I would have cared about you.
I am good at relationships. Your loss.
Hubby, you must know that I bust my butt everyday....this blog only takes me about 15 minutes of my day. So, when you come home and see the bed unmade, it is because I took care of 4 kids today, did 2 loads of laundry, swept the floors, mopped the floors, emptied the garbage, made 3 of us lunch, read 2 of my friends blogs and commented, cleaned the toys up in the basement, organized the shelves downstairs, made the beds, cleaned up the bathroom, put toilet paper on the roll that you left empty for me, cleaned up the living room twice since your kids insisted on making tents with the cushions while I was doing all the other 30 things, oh yeah, and I made fresh blueberry cobbler, started dinner and PS I WROTE THIS BLOG and it took approximately 12 minutes to do. Cuz the thoughts are here RIGHT HERE IN THIS WASTED BRAIN so don't shit on me. Cuz I care about you. I love you with all my heart.....
Tracey in Everett PA by the way I was good to you. You picked up all the boys when we went camping but guess what? I was your friend. I listened to you cry over boys and life. I was there for you. I cared. You didn't. You and your family didn't like me dating someone from your home school. Too bad 15 years later I am still with him. And you are without me. You are without a true friend who would have been there for you. Wanna talk petty?? That was petty. Not my feelings I have now cuz I realize that some people just don't belong in your life EVER and you are one of them. Too bad for you.
To all the people I have ever worked for where I did all your work cuz you weren't competent enough to do it yourself: I did your work cuz I cared about you not getting fired cuz you sucked or had your own issues in life. I did those 50 IEPS that weren't my caseload because I cared about those students and my job. I did that. I got shit on. You shit on me. Did you ever thank me for doing it? Nope. I didn't get a thank you. I didn't want you to bow down and kiss my feet. I just wanted a simple thank you. I recognition for covering your butt. That was it. I hope you are doing fine now...and not taking advantage of some other nice, caring person.
Okay. I feel much better now. Thank you for listening...I appreciate it..more than you know.
Are you ever shit on?? Or my God is this really an issue I carry that I shouldn't have?? I can finally understand the very famous quote from Doloris Claiborne:
Vera Donovan: "Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto."
My new motto. Maybe....