Monday, June 9, 2008

Sometimes being a bitch....

I was venting to one of my Mommy friends about something that has been weighing on my shoulders lately.

Being shit on.

That is my issue. I carry my issue with me everywhere I go. So, allow me vent about my issue. This may sound so middle school to you so if it does just stop reading. These are my issues and I am throwing them out.

I am a good person. I help people. I care about people to my fullest capacity. I TRULY care about people. I will not give my time if I didn't care. So, if you are going to put me in your life...don't shit on me. Ok? That is all I ask. If I render my services watching your child after school, then please pay me on Fridays like we agreed upon, unless we have discussed it ahead of time. If you forget one time, its okay. Cuz I am human too. Cuz I care about you. I spend my time with your child. I care. But please pay me. I do this for a living. And I do it cheap. My husband tells me everyday. Please don't take advantage of me. It really upsets me. I could wrap my hands around someone like me and squeeze if I were watching my child. EMBRACE me damnit cuz your next child care provider may not be as FLEXIBLE and CARING as I.

All my "old" friends. Where did you go? Is your life that busy that you can't make time for one damn email? Can you not keep up with me? Did I do something? All the ol' insecurities from HS are coming out. I care about you. I miss our friendships. I miss the laughter. Granted I found 3 great friends in my own neighborhood who are way better and care. All those friendships I have had in the past, or so I thought I did, don't exist today. The only ones who have made it are 2 college friends who will be in my top 5 friends when I die. They are here for me for life. They don't shit on me. They care me and I care about them. So, you are missing out cuz you can't take the time and you think Myspace, blogging, or facebook are a waste of time. Oh well, I would have cared about you.

I am good at relationships. Your loss.

Hubby, you must know that I bust my butt everyday....this blog only takes me about 15 minutes of my day. So, when you come home and see the bed unmade, it is because I took care of 4 kids today, did 2 loads of laundry, swept the floors, mopped the floors, emptied the garbage, made 3 of us lunch, read 2 of my friends blogs and commented, cleaned the toys up in the basement, organized the shelves downstairs, made the beds, cleaned up the bathroom, put toilet paper on the roll that you left empty for me, cleaned up the living room twice since your kids insisted on making tents with the cushions while I was doing all the other 30 things, oh yeah, and I made fresh blueberry cobbler, started dinner and PS I WROTE THIS BLOG and it took approximately 12 minutes to do. Cuz the thoughts are here RIGHT HERE IN THIS WASTED BRAIN so don't shit on me. Cuz I care about you. I love you with all my heart.....

Tracey in Everett PA by the way I was good to you. You picked up all the boys when we went camping but guess what? I was your friend. I listened to you cry over boys and life. I was there for you. I cared. You didn't. You and your family didn't like me dating someone from your home school. Too bad 15 years later I am still with him. And you are without me. You are without a true friend who would have been there for you. Wanna talk petty?? That was petty. Not my feelings I have now cuz I realize that some people just don't belong in your life EVER and you are one of them. Too bad for you.

To all the people I have ever worked for where I did all your work cuz you weren't competent enough to do it yourself: I did your work cuz I cared about you not getting fired cuz you sucked or had your own issues in life. I did those 50 IEPS that weren't my caseload because I cared about those students and my job. I did that. I got shit on. You shit on me. Did you ever thank me for doing it? Nope. I didn't get a thank you. I didn't want you to bow down and kiss my feet. I just wanted a simple thank you. I recognition for covering your butt. That was it. I hope you are doing fine now...and not taking advantage of some other nice, caring person.

Okay. I feel much better now. Thank you for listening...I appreciate it..more than you know.

Are you ever shit on?? Or my God is this really an issue I carry that I shouldn't have?? I can finally understand the very famous quote from Doloris Claiborne:

Vera Donovan: "Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto."

My new motto. Maybe....

15 comments:

Hilary said...

Welcome to your thirties because that is when you develop "balls" for a lack of better words.
I feel that this is the best blog you have ever written because you certainly take a ton of shit.
And that person that owes you money... I just found out that she left her husband and is now moving in with another man... a man that is married to one of the sweetest ladies I know. She will rot in hell for the many marriages she has broken! Suzette will rise a stronger woman from this!!!!!!!!!
Shane, it is time to mature and realize that your wife works more than any other stay-at-home mother that I know. She takes your shit with a smile when most women would have confronted your "shit" a long time ago... you are free to remove this, Lisha, but I can't stand it and I am willing to back ANY of my statements! I HATE the demoralizing sarcasm about the "women who do nothing all day."
Lisha, you are the type of woman that would have plowed her field and the next woman's too if she were too weak to do it. You are the type of woman that when the shit gets deep... you find a bigger shovel and continue to dig. They don't make too many people like that any more. A true testimony to your upbringing and the type of woman you are.
This has been way overdue and I admire you and love you for your devotion to all that surround you. However, there is a time when you need to confront the issues "head on" and I believe you are blossoming into a great woman. Because you don't let people walk over you... that is not being a bitch... that is just realizing that it is draining the best in YOU!

Cameron said...

I agree with Hilary, I grew some BIG kahoona's when I turned 30. I could have literally written exactly what Hilary just wrote. I agree 100%. YOU are an EXCEPTIONAL woman who cares and loves with every fiber of your soul. You have a lot to be proud of and NEVER doubt yourself. I am a better person just from having met you. Your past friends???? Been there, done that....and guess what, it is their loss and our gain!!! And you are not a bitch at all....even growing huge kahoona's does not make you a bitch but rather a strong woman who knows what she wants and knows her own true needs in life and is not afraid to voice them....so let your true colors shine baby....cause their beautiful....like YOU!

Mary said...

Kuddos to you kiddo. Just let go of that stuff now, you have wonderful friends who are there. Let the highschool crap go. They aren't worth it.
Tell whoever it is you want your money and let it go.
Tell Shane to walk a mile in your shoes and let it go.
It's not worth the stress and sadness. Venting was good and now just put it behind you and move on with those wonderful friends you have. Love you always...mom

Hilary said...

Do you learn how to let it go when your in your 40's???????
I am still working so hard on that one! I've gotten to the "speaking your mind" part but that letting it go stuff is so hard for me.
I am a grudge master... I can't remember my cell phone number but if you cross my path in some evil way... I can remember it for decades!!!!! FRIGHTENING! Maybe if my cell phone pisses me off, I will finally remember that number!
Oh.. and.. we love you Lisha! Wanna come to Illinois in a couple of months?

TRACY said...

lOVE THE WORDING OF HILARY.....AND ESPECIALLY MOMMY.....LET IT GO....AND DONT TAKE ANY CRAP FROM SHANE...TELL HIM HE BETTER APPRECIATE THE WONDERFUL WIFE, FRIEND, MOTHER, YOU ARE....UNCLE JOHN AND I WILL COME AND STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT!!!!!!

Cameron said...

I learned how to "let it go" along time ago. It just is not worth it in the long run. KUDOS MARY....you hit the nail right on the head!

~d said...

Does bloggin to you count??
I am a sucky friend.

ughhhhhh

I hope you have a better day and FOR GOD SAKES... no money: no services.


:)

love
d

Lisha said...

Thank you so much for your comments and support! Believe me.. the whole developing "balls" as Hilary nicely put it is getting easier as I age, but like her I can't let things go all the time. I don't dread over them, I just remember them. I forgive easily, but don't forget easy enough.

Shane is afraid I will let the house go after I threatened him, so hopefully he will cut it out about the damn bed not being made lOL LOL....

Lisha said...

PS It counts Debby...:)

Mary said...

It took me till the late 40's to really see behind me. It took turning 50 to say wtf. All the things i've been through has made me who I am but I won't hold onto hopes that someday my 'old' friends will be there. I have just one friend who will continue to be there for me and who I know, even if I don't see her for a while, will be with me. She is my cousin Lori. I am comfortable with myself and I have let the past be the past. You'll get there...just don't wish your life away and rush to be 50....giggling.

Hilary said...

Okay... I am sorry for sayin' 'balls'. I meant gonnads... Okay, Okay, I just hurt your eyes and I feel my mother cracking me in the back of the head as I write this... she would be so appalled...
It just takes so much to stand up to someone sometimes and not always be the "nice" one. I just don't want to see you continue to be bulldozed because you deserve soooooooooooooooooo much in life!
Tell Shane... jokingly, of course, that second husbands appreciate you so much more :). It's a joke so I hope no one gets their granny panties all in an uproar... and it is too hot for thongs so admitt it... you are in granny panties!

Lisha said...

Grannie panties lmao..oh my goodness...hehehehe I like the comment that second husbands appreciate you more...totally gonna use it... I think Tracy would agree too! :)

I am getting over this!! I am I am :) I am going to be a strong woman...I vow from this day forward!

~d said...

Phew...


Now that I'm off the shit list...

Let's take care of something.

I see some gossip. And I want it.
NOw. :) I just re-read some stuff.


and shanal banal anal manal.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah to you.
Do I need to move back down there to keep you in line?

:)

Go Lish. LOng time coming. Shane will love you no matter what. So be big balls lisha. He'll love you the same.

love d

Tracy said...

alicia, that is so funny I was where you are at with shane.....my first husband was a nut with the house ....all my neighbors used to make comments on how i would clean and be nervous for him to approve the house etc.....so tell shane that thank god to John who actually helps around the house that the second time is a charm...I actually dont have to feel bad for playing with my son and letting the housework slide for that day....that is what is the best thing....lol.....

Tracy said...

p.s. you ought to let the house go and teach him a good lesson and just then he may start to appreciate how much you do!!!