Monday, September 29, 2008

Now I'm the Protector

I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of Noah now being in school and having to worry about people hurting his feelings and picking on him. He is an easy target because he is sensitive and gentle. It worries me, but I never want him to change. My challenge is how to teach him to stand up for himself without changing his gentleness and sensitivity.

This morning I got him a Poptart and a cup of milk. Since he NEVER finishes it before we have to head out the door and walk to the bus stop, I give him a "Big kid" sippy cup with his milk in it. Only because it doesn't spill on the way to the bus stop all over himself or the stroller. And believe would because he is as graceful as me.

I didn't have his "big kid" cups run in the dishwasher and the only ones I had clean were Sydney's Gerber cups. It was green with frogs on it...okay I know my critics...I set him up for this but NOT in a million years would I imagine that the following would happen: (only because his friends are down there and so are adults and frankly I didn't put myself in his shoes which I will from now on. So this was my mistake) Back to what happened:

At the bus stop there is a little girl who is just nasty. She has been nasty to two other girls whom don't even want to be around her. She comes down to our bus stop when she should be getting on the bus stop at the other stop sign. That is beside the point. Noah took his cup to drink and stood by the stop sign to wait for the bus.

I talked with 2 other moms as we waited for the bus. Noah came running over to me with tears running down his face. He said, "She said I had a baby cup and I was a baby." I asked, "Who said that?"

I looked around for his cup, thinking he left it on the stroller like he normally does. Not there. My eyes peered over to the stop sign where the bully stood with her big sister. She looked at me like "Oh sugar, I am caught." Amy found his sippy where he must have tossed it when she made the comment.

I asked her if she said that to him. She looked at me (with a little fear) and said "I didn't really mean it. I'm sorry." with a little roll of her eyes. I said to her, "Then next time you need to think about it before you say it. What you said to Noah hurt his feelings. I am the one who gave him the cup because the other cups were dirty. So if you want to have friends, then you need to be nice to them and not be a bully."

She wimpered, "Sorry." and walked back to the stop sign. I looked at my son's face and he was hurting and I hurt. I apologized to Noah and told him I will NEVER give him a sippy cup again. He hugged me tight and I dried his tears.

He walked back over to the stop sign and waited for the bus. I was mad. I was mad because I put him in this situation and I can't stop all the nasty children and people in the world. I can not be there all the time. I just wanted to scoop him up and take him back to our home, where he is safe. I hate this.

So when he gets home I am going to go over and practice how to stand up to kids who can be nasty. They talked about bullies in school and we are reading The Recess Queen at home, so he knows what to do in situations where he is being picked on, but he has to learn WHAT to say when it happens. Because I can't always be there to protect him as much as I want to be.

The Recess Queen:


Jen said...

That breaks my heart!! Poor Noah!! Caleb is the same exact way and I worry sooooo much about him for when he starts school. Good for you for standing up for him. Kids are just mean these days....don't blame yourself. We need to get our boys together!!

Cameron said...

I am so sorry that happened to my little Noah. I wanted to come and meet you at the bus stop tomorrow. LOL. It is so scary these days how kids can be so cruel. You are doing a great job. I know it is natural for us to all can we not. We never want our children to experience pain or bullying. Cary's school has been in lock down mode the last two days because of a middle schooler up the road from his school who is being bullied....had enough. He had a plan and now they have to resolve the situation with him before they get out of lock down. Better safe than sorry but it is sad that these things happen. And we want to know, what is the school going to do with the bullies? Such a terrible cycle

Anonymous said...

:( That makes me sad for poor Noah!!! Through college I was a nanny and one of the little girls would NEVER stand up for herself. She would come homr from school in tears. We would talk and talk about sticking up for yourself, blah, blah .blah. Anyway, she is now a highschool senior. She is the most confident teenager I know! She will not let people walk all over her, and doesn't think twice about sticking up for herself! All our talks paid off as I am sure yours with Noah will too! hugs to both of you!!!

Anonymous said...

OOPS... that was me who posted last :)

"Gorgeous Mommy" said...

OMG I was in tears reading this!! Poor Noah! I'm getting that book!

Hilary said...

I hate to be the one to say it... but, why do we have to have the "stand up for yourself talk" with our kids and why aren't more people confronting the ones doing the bullying? I realize that this is a horrible fact of life but I am most proud of Lisha for standing up and stating a fact to these children. Many people are afraid to confront someone else's children when their behavior is hurtful or demeaning to others. Kudos Lisha! As long as adults stand back because we are afraid to say something, this will continue to happen... it reminds me of a research study that was done on how many times teachers were afraid to confront bullies in the school system and it was astonishing to see the increasing numbers of teachers that were afraid to confront children for their behavior. And why? Because they were afraid of the parent's reaction... do big bullies make little bullies? I guess I'll take the road less PC on this one.

supah ~d said...

GREAT POINt hilary.. great point. We end up getting bullied ourselves by being afraid of a few uncomfortable moments. Kudos lish. :)

You are prepping him well. Just remind him that there are GREAT people in the world too and that ' he survived' her words even if they were hurtful at the time. Like you said, it won't end. We all know it won't. But he can survive it. I have begun trying to focus on that for Emma when she is hurt by stupid kids on the playground that don't want to play with her etc. .. Build him up and no one can knock him down. Build him up so strong...that he'll survive those horrid moments.

I sooo wanted to come and have a little conversation with bus stop betty. erghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

UGHHH.. I'm so worried about Emma going to school.. but just like you, we can arm them with so much.. then they are let free to be and use what you taught.

You're such a good mom.
and don't worry about the cup.. lol

it was a good teaching moment lish.. ;)
Look what my mom made me wear for Halloween! lol


Sara said...

Poor Noah! I'm so sorry that his feelings were hurt. Way to go Lisha for speaking up for your son and letting the girl know that her comment was hurtful and unacceptable.

Sara said...

Poor Noah! I'm so sorry that his feelings were hurt. Way to go Lisha! I'm also proud of you for speaking up for your son and letting the girl know that her comment was hurtful & unacceptable.

tracy said...

i had a similar experience with dom this year....i put him in a pink shirt...for his pictures....yikes.....he was a trooper......i say put noah in will give him self esteem and still keep him sweet...

Mary said...

Unfortunately this is one of many hard knocks of life but he still has to remember that there is good in people and maybe this little girl has grown up in an environment where she has been abused and spoken to like that. She has never learned the correct way of keeping her friends, or maybe she's just plain mean. Anyway, I know you and shane are there for noah and syd and they will grow up to be wonderful adults!! Love you, mom

Lisha said...

Thank you everyone. Tracy I have discussed karate with Noah...I am hoping within the next year he will be more interested than this year because it would be good for him!

I called the child's mom to let her know what i have witnessed (not just my own child but the other 2 as well). She seemed a little surprised. But the girl wasn't at our bus stop this morning. So, when the mom said she would talk to her, maybe she decided to "supervise" her as well. I told her if it were my child I would want to know. So, the conversation went well and we ended it on good terms. Thank God! I hated those calls as a teacher, let alone now as a "neighbor" eeeekkkk......