Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Absolutely boring

My life right now is absolutely boring.

I have nothing to blog about.

My brain is dead.

My house is a mess.

I am throwing a bridal shower on Saturday and I have 3 million things to do before then.

On a good note....I did go out with a couple friends to an indoor gym yesterday morning and then we hit up Mickey D's for lunch! It was a MUCH needed day out for me and the girls. We had lots of fun! Thank you Staci for recommending it and getting us all together. I..I mean the girls...had a great time!! :)


Now for my ramblings....


I just spent the last 30 mins wasting time looking at a couple "creative" blogs on the Internet. I get so frustrated and lose my inspiration, because it looks like everyone has so much money and can afford to have a cute little craft room and all the necessities. I just can't do that right now. I WANT it, but it isn't in the cards. Funny thing is...I have a "craft room" but nothing to fill it with.

I am making my sacrifices to stay home and sometimes I just WANT to be selfish. But most of you know me and know that I am the FURTHEST thing from selfish. However, there is a tiny tiny piece of me that really wants to start doing more for me. I want to do more of my interests, go back to work, and make my own money.

Most of me says no way. This is what I want for my kids. They get what they need and want first. The best thing is for me to be with my kids and be here with them till they go to school. Then my hubby and I will have the same hours (given that we are both teachers), so I won't feel like I am missing out on anything.

I never in a million years thought of myself as a Stay at home mom. Frankly, I still don't. To me a stay at home mom stays home with their kids and does housework. I think I fall more in the Work at home mom category. I get to be home, but I am always working. Hubby says to stop, we don't need the money to make the bills, but I can't stop.

Something is missing being home. I like the feeling of "pitching in", doing my part, and staying busy. I may complain sometimes about the busy-ness, but over Christmas break when I wasn't babysitting, working online, or tutoring, I was BORED since I only had to entertain my kids and LAZY!! I also got a cold because my body stopped.

I am sorry I am rambling, but I am sorting out my emotions. I am so confused with what I want and what the best thing to do is. My ideal would be: Me working part-time, Noah in school (which he is already), and Syd attending pre-school while I am working. Then the other times I would be just home with Sydney and have fresh baked cookies and milk for Noah when he got off the bus. But my ideal world isn't functional. Me working part-time would only pay for the 3 year old preschool hours. lol. So I give up.

It's either Work from home or work full-time.

Over the next couple months I will be revisiting this because in the spring is when I will be making my decision to start looking for teaching jobs.

9 comments:

Casey said...

I know exactly how you feel!! Only for me, right now, I'm not bringing in any income. That too becomes a battle, not so much with my husband, but with myself. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone!! I feel you pain!!!


Just remember..."Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift...That's why it's called the Present."

Johnnie Avocado said...

I hear ya'.....in my situation, I'm so busy commuting and working that I'm never home, and would kill to be a stay at home dad. But when I'm home for long periods, I wish I was working. I think finding that right balance is the key.
As far as your "craft" idea, make do with what you have. Don't fall into this thinking, that things have to be a certain way to be creative. See what you come up with...

Courtney said...

I think everyone is feeling frustrated and bored. Winter is in full swing, and it's cold and gray. I'm kind of down in the dumps.

I think "craft rooms" are great. But at the same time, completely riduculous. Unless you are going to use them constantly. I have "craft bins" - separated by craft. When I'm feeling artsy-fartsy, I drag one out. When I'm done, it stacks with the rest of them. No mess, no extra room to clean out. In a perfect world, I might have special room to craft in. But I know deep down that I wouldn't use it. I like to be in my living room with the kids. Even when I'm crafting and they're annoying as hell.

I think being selfish is ok sometimes. Being a SAHM (or a WFHM or a working full-time mom)is hard. Taking time for yourself isn't being selfish...it's a necessity.

Lisha said...

Thank you guys for understanding. I think a lot of people don't understand what I mean. Most women who chose to stay home have wanted it basically all their lives and have known that. I LOVE being home and I would never take it back, but I think having something to call my "own" is hard to give up when you do it.

Mary said...

It's a tough decision. All or nothing it seems. Maybe something will come up or an idea will hit you between now and then. You don't have to decide now so there is time, I promise!
love ya,
mom

supah ~d said...

DUDE STAYING HOME SUCKS.

lol

Fo sho.

I love love love getting out of the house early in the AM ... having the girls come to MY school, teaching little kidlets.. it's kind of mini-teaching without all the pressure.. and then hightailing it out of there at 230! Working only 4 days.. and getting basically free childcare to boot.

Dude it' the schnizzle dizzle and I still bring in the money.. though it's not exaclty a teachers' salary.. it totally doesn't make much difference cause .. we don't much for the childcare. It's the best of both worlds.

and craft room..
shoot.. that's one more damn room to clean.
lol
hang in there...

Sara said...

Sorry that you're feeling so confused! You're not selfish--you're HUMAN! Good luck with your decision. I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk.

Hugs,
Sara

MsPulp said...

Ditto.
I never in a million years thought I'd be a SAHM. I loved my career, but the minute I saw my first baby, I knew there was no one who could take care of her the way I could.
You ARE working...and teaching, and babysitting...being a mother. You are, by far, giving them the best gift of all, which is yourself, and they will never forget that. Ask some of your friends who had SAHM's. Then ask the ones who didn't. BIG difference.
Breathe, relax, repeat...

Staci said...

First, I agree COMPLETELY with Courtney! Its winter blues baby... and I GOTZ them! Life is always better when you can get out, get fresh air, and get around people (at least for me!)

Being home is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do, BUT it is no where near how I envisioned it! It’s lonely, boring, crazy, frustrating, rewarding, all at the same time... I wouldn't change it for the WORLD, but I won't lie. There are days when I am GREEN with ENVY that Jason gets to walk out that door and be around people that don't touch him 20 hours out of every day or throw themselves on the floor and scream for something so RANDOM! :) It’s not perfect every day, but it really is what I want!

Also, no way no how should you feel guilty. You need to take time for you... Without that, you can't be as good as you can be. I need to take that advice more often, but when I do take time, I come home with a refreshed and positive outlook!

Craft room schmaft room, it really is just one more spot to clean!

Hugs to you!

PS I had fun the other day too! We will have to do it again and SOON! :)