Today I went with my hubby and kids to see our new niece who was born the same day I found out I lost mine. I can't describe to you how hard it was to go to the hospital, hear her excitement, and see her beautiful baby girl. There was not one minute that I wasn't happy for her, but it hurt so badly to see my kids and hubby hold her and smile at her. All I thought about was how wonderful my kids would be a new baby brother/sister. I know I will have that again. I trust in God that I will have that, but the pain is still so fresh. I need some closure. This walking around waiting is killing me even if it has been one day.
I was going to avoid going to see our new niece, but that isn't the right thing to do either. That is my family and I am ecstatic for them, as they are blessed. I held back the tears and when they began I use what I preach to my kids. Positive self-talk. The mind is amazing. As I talked and focused on my own children, I started to feel a smile on my face. I started to feel better.
As we went in for a late lunch to Cheddars, I got a returned phone call from my doctor. I asked her what prompted her to take me back for an ultrasound and she said that my urine analysis didn't come back as high as she wanted it. When I asked her if I could get an ultrasound before the D&C, she said, "You never know, I could be wrong, so yes, absolutely!" So, unless I go on my own between now and the 5th, I have a new appointment scheduled for August 5th for an ultrasound and then my D&C will be on the 6th.
That somehow helped in my healing process. Making that decision and knowing that there is a plan beyond this is helping me get through this.
I can NOT thank you all enough for your kind words, your prayers, and your shared experiences. I always thought that I was emphasizing with others. I always tried to listen and understand what they were going through, but nothing makes you understand until you go through it yourself. So, I do know now. I am sorry for all of your losses. I am sure you waiting for the same as I...to one day meet your little one in Heaven. God bless you all. And thank you. I am truly surrounded by the best people in the world!