Friday, July 31, 2009

So it goes.

Today I got up as usual, started my day with a 2 1/2 mile power walk with my neighbor/friend Amy, fed the kids, did some laundry, checked my farm on FB (I know right? I am so obsessed!), watched Y&R, had an early dinner with friends, and headed to our new Target to shop for my family reunion tomorrow. As soon as I got Syd in the cart, I started walking and felt the gush.

It started. The bleeding.

I headed toward the bathroom where Hubby was with Noah, but we decided to head home instead. The tears fell again, as I know now that it is real. Everything I had hoped for is gone.

The hope that just maybe the dates were all wrong and the baby was still growing. The hope that I would go back on the 5th and a miracle would happen.

For some reason, as hurt as I feel, I am somewhat relieved to have an answer. An answer that God wanted this child with Him and He will send me another soon. I have the answer so I don't have to wait any longer to find out. Yet, it hurts all over again.

I am slowly getting closure with all this and time will heal. I will continue to have faith in God that He knows what He is doing. I will continue to feel blessed for what I have.

I want to thank my Hubby for being such an incredible rock for me. He continues to amaze me with his positive words and his ability to comfort me even when I seem to cry so much. I want to thank Amy for comforting me with hugs and my current favorite cherry Slurpees, and everyone for their positive thoughts and prayers. I appreciate you all more than you know.

12 comments:

Therese said...

Oh, Lisha, my heart aches for you! Sending you big HUGS! I will be praying for you!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! I will keep you guys in my prayers. I'm sure Shane is being very comforting. He always had such encouraging words for me. God does have a plan, we just don't know what it is. Take care of yourself. Cry as much as you want too, take it day by day (sometimes hour by hour or minute by minute) and if you need anything I am here.
love and miss you...jess

mymorningsun said...

I'm crying with you. So so sorry to know that youre in pain and sadness... thinking and praying for comfort and inner peace for you and Shane.

Staci said...

I'm so sorry :( This sucks.... I hate that you and your family are having to go through this.... I'm so sorry. Hugs to all of you :( xoxo

Anonymous said...

Oh Lisha, I am crying while reading your blog. My heart goes out to you and Shane. I am here if you need a friend to lean on.
Debra

Liz said...

I am so sorry Lisha. I am thinking of you.

Kelly said...

I am also in tears. I am sorry Lisha! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Prayers are with you and your family.

Cameron said...

Lisha,
I have just been able to log on to a computer for the first time before we head back down to the ICU. It has been horrible here with most time spent in the ICU. I am so sorry that I am not there to be with you. My heart aches for you as well and the tears flow. I know that you are surrounded by people who love you and you will get through this...like D said, one day at a time is all you can do. And like I keep my babies close to my heart till I see them again, you will do the same. They will always be with you. Please know I am thinking about you. BIG HUGS to both you and Shane. God is with you and He has a plan...even though we do not know what it is...but He has a plan. Love you.

THE FRYOR CLAN said...

I am so sorry for you and your angel. Lots of thoughts and hugs are with you.

That Girl said...

Hugs Lisha, I am thinking of you guys.

Sara said...

I'm so sorry, Lisha! Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we never know the reason. Hang in there and let me know if your family needs anything!

MoDLin said...

Lisha, I have been following you for a while and I'm so very sorry for your loss. In the midst of all of this, for you to visit someone else's new baby is so generous and kind of you. You are an amazing woman. I hope the healing, on all levels, begins soon.

The March of Dimes has created bereavement materials available at no charge for parents or other family members who have experienced the loss of a baby between conception and the first month of life. You can read bout this sensitive and helpful kit, and even order one, through this link: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_15999.asp

Best wishes to your famiy.