Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Back to School

My little man went off to 1st grade today! I can't believe how much he is growing and how fast it is going. He seems like an old pro at this and so confident. A different boy than a year ago. It was hard for me this year because I wasn't able to be there at the bus stop (or any this year) to kiss him and watch him get on. Fortunately, my husband doesn't have students yet in his county, so he went in a little later to help out for Noah's first day. I felt much better knowing that. But it wasn't the same. While Noah was getting ready for school, I was on hall duty in the school and getting my classroom ready for the day. I couldn't stop thinking about him and Sydney.








He just amazes me. In this picture, I tried to snap it as he was coming off the bus, but he took off running and jumped into my arms and said, "Mommy, I had a GREAT day!" I hope he continues to say that everyday and keeps this enthusiasm for school. Because I see how students get when they go to middle school and I am scared that will someday be him. (Although with 2 parents as teachers, it is highly unlikely, because he will be tortured with education...lol).

I have been back to the "working" mom stage now for 4 complete days and I have such mixed feelings about it all. There are many things I enjoy about being a working mom and many things I miss about staying home. I miss my kids terribly. I know I have no choice with Noah because he is in school. And the only thing I am missing with him is bus pickup at 8:00. I am there when he gets home for drop-off and this year I will be able to take days off to go on field trips. I was never able to do that babysitting and staying home. I had my friends, Mary, Amy & my MIL, help me out for days that I needed to run in and tend to things, but I always felt terrible leaving them with the kids because that was my job. But this year, I can be there to spend that time with Noah.

I feel guilty for not being with my precious Sydney, however, I only did this because I have my friend Amy across the street who I know will take excellent care of my daughter. She also has a 3 year old who is Syd's best friend, so they have someone to play with all day. But I can't help but think about the time I am missing with her. Honestly, though, I have come home these last few days and I am so much more appreciative of the time of have with them. I really, truly, needed this mental break for me. And in the long run I know it is best for them if I am sane. :) I feel like I am a better Mom, more organized, and ready to tackle anything. This year will be good for me.

Tomorrow after school, I have another blood test to check my HCG levels to make sure they are falling to 0. I pray that they are there or almost there. I want my body back to normal, so we ca begin trying again. My husband can't wait for that! ;) However, I am really tired now being a working Mom lol.

My next blog will be about my classroom and what I love about being back. Till then..... keep those blogs coming. I will keep attempting to keep up as long as Hubby lets me have the computer once and awhile!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The waiting game continues...

So here I am waiting.

I went to the Imaging building today for my 2:00 appointment. The technician snapped about 150 pictures using the ultrasound and the internal ultrasound. It was hard for me to understand what he was snapping but it looked blurry and as if it wasn't all cleared out.

The only thing I can imagine at this point is that I will need to schedule a D&C soon. I have learned that I obviously can't "plan" for everything. That is hard for a planner to learn. We were planning on trying again in October. I guess we will be put on hold for December at least.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and prayers.

My first day of work is Friday (I guess) lol. I am waiting to find out if I am "technically" hired yet.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Extra Extra Read All About It

New job. New haircut. New clothes. New news.

So much is new. It is all happening so fast. Winding out of control fast. First day for work is Friday (That is of course I am approved to be hired). Here is a recap of the last few days.

Friday: Last day of bleeding. Energy back. Got things done around the house. Spent time with my kids.

Saturday: Laundry room was finally organized and accomplished. I tore everything out and even pulled the washer and dryer out to clean. Kids did their chores. We went to the pool. Then went scrap booking at my friend Amy's.

Sunday: Went to PA to visit with my in-laws for a few hours. The kids got to meet their new Beagle puppy (Bella) and run around outside. Noah & Syd rode the 4-wheeler with her Pap. I even tapped into my "country girl" mode and took a ride with Hubby. It felt nice just holding onto him. We then went out to my parents for a cookout outside with family who came in from NJ. Had a blast laughing and giggling around the table. I missed them. The kids ran around and played.

Monday: Super busy day. I got up, went to Maryland to shop by myself (lovely but lonely). I cashed my online job check, went to the mall, got my hair chopped off, hit up Kohls and spent 1/2 my money. I got 3 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, sunglasses, socks, a pair of shoes, and perfume using my 30% off coupon. I got so much for around $140. I was so proud. I ran back home by 1:00 so Hubby and I could leave for a check up from the M/C in Virginia. My doctor checked me and said that my uterus was small, but my urine test was still coming back positive. So they did blood work to check to see what else was going on. Again...I wait. I thought this was over. I am feeling good and back to normal. I got home late afternoon, packed my bags and headed back to PA to spend the night and Tuesday with my Mom. Just Mom & Me! She made a fabulous dinner for my sister-in-law, her, and myself. It was so yummy! We sat on the deck and had a drink. We laughed and talked and I enjoyed every second of it! (Wow I just noticed that I was in 4 different states in one day today. WV..I live. MD...I shop...VA...I went to the doctor...and PA to see my mom. I love living where we are!!)

Tuesday: Mom and I got up, went on a 3 mile country back road walk in the heat. It was so hot! We couldn't even stop sweating for quite some time. We showered and then headed to Panera Bread for lunch and of course then to shop. I spent the remaining of my money on 3 more shirts and another pair of shoes. I can't even believe what I got for $220!! I have not shopped at all for myself for the past 4 years. No joke. I get a shirt here and there but nothing like this. It was exciting!

New News: While shopping today, I got a call from my doctor's office. They said my blood work came back and my Hcg levels are still quite high. They scheduled me for an ultrasound tomorrow at 2:00 pm. Of course, I call all my Hubby and closest friends to vent my fears. I also google reasons why Hcg levels are still high after a miscarriage and think the worse. Things like ectopic pregnancies, cancer, molar pregnancy, etc. etc....I am scared to death. I just keep praying to myself that this will all be over soon and keep reminding myself that God is here. Have any of you heard of such a thing?

I am getting off here and drowning myself in a good book. Its all I can do for now. Is wait. Again.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Normalcy

Things have to get back to normal. I can't stand wasting my life away much longer. I have bought groceries once in the past 5 weeks. We are eating out way too much to the point where nothing even sounds good anymore. I desperately need home-made food, time around the dinner table with my family, and normalcy.

So, I vow to you my loyal blog readers....



  • I will buy groceries this weekend.

  • Create my menu plan

  • Feed my children 3 meals a day

  • Get into a regular schedule of early bed time and up by 8 at least! (Considering with this new job I will be getting up by 6 am) EEEKK!!

  • Get things organized quickly

  • Go school shopping
Yes. I will get my life back to normal. I need it. Desperately.

Yesterday, the four of us went to the dentist. Hubby needs to floss, I am good (Still no wisdom teeth coming in, but need braces=no money right now), Noah is cavity free again and xrays showed his big teeth are coming in. So we should be getting ready to finally lose some baby teeth soon! Syd was miserable. I have mentioned before how she LOVES to sleep till 10 or 11 everyday. As you can imagine we waking her at 8:30 to have her teeth probed and tickled was not in her "list of things to do". She kept saying she wanted to leave and play Barbies. I finally bribed her to go in and sit down. The Dental hygienist got 1/2 her teeth cleaned when she decided that she was done. We couldn't get her to open her mouth for nothing! The DH gave Noah a mask, gloves, the sucker thing, and some other items to play "dentist" with her at home. I hope it helps next time!

Then, we went to PA state park yesterday with family. We spent the day chatting, laughing, the kids swam in the lake, ate lunch together, and caught some fish and crayfish. I, however, did not take pictures. I know I know. :( Such a disappointment coming from me!

When we got home, we had a friend from back home waiting for us. Jackie caught up with us, Hubby went to tutor, we played with the kids and got ready to go out till Hubby came home. We headed out for a Girl's Night Out. We sat on the deck of our golf course lounge and chatted, laughed, and caught up. It was a beautiful night! I hope we Moms didn't scare Jackie out of having children someday! You know how Moms can be when you put us together without our kids! lol.





Today, we had routine blood work done. And I napped for like 3 hours. I am still physically exhausted. I am starting to wonder if I am anemic again. I guess I shall find out when the blood work comes back. I have been craving cheeseburgers!!



Hope everyone has fun plans for the upcoming gorgeous weekend! I plan on getting my list completed and visit with family coming in from NJ. Can't wait! I am working to catch up on everyones blogs!!

Monday, August 10, 2009

A lot to say....

But don't I always? Always have and always will. I talk my friends' ears off. I have to halt myself to make sure I ask how they are because I will just ramble and ramble just to hear myself talk. I don't do it intentionally. Cuz I do care how they are but I just expect them to jump in. Bad assumption on my part. I am working on it. Sorry Staci, I did that to you tonight....blah blah blah blah......She caught me at a time I needed to vent. And she is so easy to vent too. She just listens and truly understands. So I thank you girl.

I was going to walk tonight...alone. I was looking forward to it (a tad) as I usually walk with friends. I had my MP3 player ready and my goal was 7:00 but the sky looked so scary, so I used # 2 in my book of 500 excuses why I don't exercise. #2: The weather is bad. Poor excuse as I have a treadmill and ON DEMAND full of great exercise videos. So you ask, what did you do? Well, I sat on Facebook and caught up on blogs. I call it my mental health break. It was good for the soul.

I slowly caught up, wasted time tending to my farm on Farmville, chatted with Staci and Amy (who needs to update her blog as I am sending you there. lol.) on the phone, and read to my kids. It was a relaxing evening I must say.

*If you easily get offended, please pull away from my blog, as I am going to be very honest here*

Hubby is getting eager to have his way with me (is that clean enough?) I feel terrible, but this will all be over soon. The bleeding has slowed. Thank goodness.

I had no idea that it would be this awful. I guess, truthfully, I am so uneducated on what a miscarriage entails. I am a graphic, detailed person. Just saying bleeding and passing of tissue is not enough information for me. I should have asked someone for more graphic information. Cuz what I went through was nothing like I expected. What I felt, what I saw, how I felt during and after it, and the pain I felt was nothing like I imagined.
The contractions were TERRIBLE from Monday-Friday. They'd come and go every 2 minutes, then I would "pass" tissue and bleed. It was so painful that I buckled over in my bed in a fetal position and cried and squeezed my hubby's hand.

I have such respect for women who struggle with this and go through this over and over again. They are my heros. They are number one in my prayers at night. I want every woman who has been through a miscarriage to be blessed with a healthy full-term blessing from God. They deserve it.

I thank my doctor, my wonderful, caring doctor, for the medication that slightly took the edge off the pain. I also thank her for helping me through the most embarrassing doctor's appointment eva in which I uncontrollably bled everywhere. Oh how I wanted to die.

I thank my Hubby for his comforting hugs and touching of my hair (something I always need when in pain). His words, support, and comfort have gotten me through the last week.

I know I have thanked him before, but I can't tell him enough how much I appreciate him. I.freaking.love.him.
On a better note, things are still changing around here. Call it hormones, burn-out, or just a "break", I have decided to go back to teaching this year.

Yep, you read that right. I am leaving my current job as a "work at home mom" and heading back to teaching for the year. Just one year. I am taking a one year position just to get myself into it again for me. Something for me. This way I can save some money for the next attempt at baby #3. This is a huge decision for our family, but we feel that it is best for us. I will blog about this decision next one, as I have done it again....

Rambled, rambled, rambled......

Here are some pictures of what we have been up to.



Our cucumbers from our garden. We have picked about 6 now! The kids had fun trying them and cutting one up!


God is good.

Friday, August 7, 2009

So quiet...

You can tell that summer has the prime time! Blogging has gotten quiet...well at least until school comes back around again. I always love to hear about the upcoming school years for everyone. The new experiences, kindergartners riding the bus for the first time, organizing ideas for the school year, feelings about our kids moving on independently...etc. etc...so keep those posts coming as I love to read them!

Things are finally slowing down just in time to speed up again. It will be a quiet weekend around here. Hubby and I were motivated by our neighbors to tear out our storage in our basement and get it organized. We are slowly running out of room in this house. I can't figure out where stuff comes from. That will be Saturday's project and Sunday's project is the laundry room! YIKES! We have a laundry room right by the garage and it has become the "catch all" for everything that no one wants to put away. Hubby promised me we could get it together and organized.

I am feeling so much better today. I have continued walking through all this except on the worst day. I think that has been good to get out and chat with friends as we walk, keep my body moving, and my mind on other things. Emotionally, I am still touchy. Situation A: I had it out with a lady on the phone because she was so cold to me and she has been before in person with me and on the phone. Usually, I would just, with lack of better words "kiss her a**", but I wasn't up to being treated like an uneducated fool, so I was more aggressive than usual, only for my hubby to explain to her that I am going through a lot. I didn't need that excuse because truthfully, she deserved it.
Yeah, I guess I am irritated as well. Situation B: A set of grandparents had their granddaughter in the library today only to ignore her being nasty to my daughter at the puppet area. I politely said, "Sweetie, she doesn't want the curtain in her face." And the grandparents who heard me said nothing. The girl continued to get in my daughter's face and made her cry. I held back purposely knowing how irritated I have been. Something came over me. I stood there and looked at my daughter's face and saw the hurt in her. It felt like I was in another world for about 10 minutes. I couldn't stand it any longer. She just didn't understand why this girl she didn't know was so mean. It killed me to see my little girl' s feelings getting hurt. I payed attention more. I have been doing more of that lately. I guess when things like this happen, we are reminded of the things we have and how much we love and want to protect them. I wanted to say something which I normally wouldn't, so leaving was the only thing I could do.

The whole situation was out of character for me. I would have just worked it out with Sydney and the little girl, but the grandparents lack of discipline irritated me more than usual. I am blessed to have parents who make sure they back me up with my kids. Seeing them ignore this child's bossiness, pushing of the curtain in my daughter's face, nasty voice, and getting in her face, upset me. I know that my emotions are just whacked and my hormones as well. I feel like I am coming down off my wild ride on my roller coaster and plummeting uncontrollably to the ground.

Hubby and my family have been great. My friends are fabulous. My kids are playing well together. But there is still something missing. I know what it is and someday soon it will be filled. Till then, many changes are taking place.

I will fill all you in soon as I take care of some things first.
Thank you all for your support on Jess's blog. I know that she appreciates and loves your support and care. You guys are the best!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Sharing time

I'd love to share a blog that a friend of the family has begun. She has been through a lot the last couple years and I know that she could use the support and comfort you all have given me with my recent situation. If you wouldn't mind taking a few minutes to hop on over and start following her, I know your kind words would give her the comfort she needs. God has blessed me with such wonderful followers and I want to share my followers with her. I appreciate you checking it out ahead of time.

http://hanselfairytalelife.blogspot.com/2009/08/and-so-our-fairy-tale-begins.html


Also worth sharing...today was good. I actually was able to go grocery shopping with my kids & hubby, work online, and go for a 2.5 mile walk with friends. Each day gets a little better...however the medication they have me on makes me talk a mile a minute (I know worse than usual huh?) and a little aggressive. Oh well, I guess I can finally say what I want to say. Watch out lol...or at least till the medication wears off hahaha....

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Mommy is on Farmville...

Today my son was at a friend's house and my daughter was playing by herself in the basement, so I began harvesting and planting my crops. (Yes, Mommy was on Farmvillle). My daughter came up to show me what she had been working on in the basement. She was so proud!!! I almost died.




Then I went downstairs to check out what ELSE she had been working on and this is what I found.







She was so proud of her art work!! Syd has more in common with her brother than we thought!

Monday, August 3, 2009

What a day!

This was a day I never want to remember. Today was the day that I actually went through the cramping, contractions, and the "actual" miscarriage. However, after it was all said and done, I feel that I have closure. The tears fell once today and my heart broke all over again as I know that it is real. My husband was here for me all day and I can not thank him enough for being here and being so helpful and supportive. When times get tough, I proves how much he loves me and is here for me.

On a good note, we went with some friends to our local water spray park. They had a good time running around in the water with their friends. I got a couple good pictures of them since they never stopped running around like the crazy kids that they are! It is a wonderful little park because we moms can just sit on the side and see them everywhere. We can sit and chat and relax without worrying. They have great food and even better....Hershey's icecream and PEPSI products!! My favorite! (And we all know how I am with the comfort foods right now lol). After the water park, we went to a local farm market for corn on the cob and peaches. *Girls, I will send you more of the pictures today via email!*









Now that things are slowing down around here, I have to get some things done around this house. Library books are overdue, recycling has piled up, my staircase wall still needs painted, laundry needs caught up, and groceries need bought. I have been spending way too much time on the computer filling my time playing Farmville on Facebook. It keeps my mind off things and is very addicting!




I work online Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday during the afternoons, so reading future teachers' essays should keep my mind preoccupied for the week. I will then feel guilty for working online when I should be working in this house. It is a no-win situation.

At some point this week we need to get our kids up to our county fair. They absolutely love seeing the animals and we love eating the greasy food! So, I will have pictures of that soon!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Growing

Things are growing around here and it isn't just my kids. Our first vegetable garden is flourishing....well as much as a 8x4 garden can flourish. Noah and I planted everything in our little garden by seed, so he was able to watch everything grow from start to finish.

We planted cucumbers, tomatoes, beans, lettuce, mini carrots, and Noah stuck a watermelon seed in and forgot to tell us. We had to google it cuz we didn't believe him! We have already harvested our lettuce. I had so much from one plant that I had to share with the neighbors. The other day, Noah and I went out to check the garden and water it and we found that we had a carrot!! Noah shrieked in excitement! We were so excited!
So now we are waiting on the rest!