Monday, August 10, 2009

A lot to say....

But don't I always? Always have and always will. I talk my friends' ears off. I have to halt myself to make sure I ask how they are because I will just ramble and ramble just to hear myself talk. I don't do it intentionally. Cuz I do care how they are but I just expect them to jump in. Bad assumption on my part. I am working on it. Sorry Staci, I did that to you tonight....blah blah blah blah......She caught me at a time I needed to vent. And she is so easy to vent too. She just listens and truly understands. So I thank you girl.

I was going to walk tonight...alone. I was looking forward to it (a tad) as I usually walk with friends. I had my MP3 player ready and my goal was 7:00 but the sky looked so scary, so I used # 2 in my book of 500 excuses why I don't exercise. #2: The weather is bad. Poor excuse as I have a treadmill and ON DEMAND full of great exercise videos. So you ask, what did you do? Well, I sat on Facebook and caught up on blogs. I call it my mental health break. It was good for the soul.

I slowly caught up, wasted time tending to my farm on Farmville, chatted with Staci and Amy (who needs to update her blog as I am sending you there. lol.) on the phone, and read to my kids. It was a relaxing evening I must say.

*If you easily get offended, please pull away from my blog, as I am going to be very honest here*

Hubby is getting eager to have his way with me (is that clean enough?) I feel terrible, but this will all be over soon. The bleeding has slowed. Thank goodness.

I had no idea that it would be this awful. I guess, truthfully, I am so uneducated on what a miscarriage entails. I am a graphic, detailed person. Just saying bleeding and passing of tissue is not enough information for me. I should have asked someone for more graphic information. Cuz what I went through was nothing like I expected. What I felt, what I saw, how I felt during and after it, and the pain I felt was nothing like I imagined.
The contractions were TERRIBLE from Monday-Friday. They'd come and go every 2 minutes, then I would "pass" tissue and bleed. It was so painful that I buckled over in my bed in a fetal position and cried and squeezed my hubby's hand.

I have such respect for women who struggle with this and go through this over and over again. They are my heros. They are number one in my prayers at night. I want every woman who has been through a miscarriage to be blessed with a healthy full-term blessing from God. They deserve it.

I thank my doctor, my wonderful, caring doctor, for the medication that slightly took the edge off the pain. I also thank her for helping me through the most embarrassing doctor's appointment eva in which I uncontrollably bled everywhere. Oh how I wanted to die.

I thank my Hubby for his comforting hugs and touching of my hair (something I always need when in pain). His words, support, and comfort have gotten me through the last week.

I know I have thanked him before, but I can't tell him enough how much I appreciate him.
On a better note, things are still changing around here. Call it hormones, burn-out, or just a "break", I have decided to go back to teaching this year.

Yep, you read that right. I am leaving my current job as a "work at home mom" and heading back to teaching for the year. Just one year. I am taking a one year position just to get myself into it again for me. Something for me. This way I can save some money for the next attempt at baby #3. This is a huge decision for our family, but we feel that it is best for us. I will blog about this decision next one, as I have done it again....

Rambled, rambled, rambled......

Here are some pictures of what we have been up to.

Our cucumbers from our garden. We have picked about 6 now! The kids had fun trying them and cutting one up!

God is good.


Jess said...

So did you find a job? Shane told me you were looking. I told him I thought you would be wonderful at elementary!
I'm kinda glad I had my miscarriage in the hospital. I don't know if I could have done it at home for several days/weeks. The weekend was enough for me! Although, the morphin took away my pain and allowed me to sleep!
And I agree, that when you are in pain/sick there is nothing better than your husband holding your hand and "playing" with your hair. Todd did both when I went through it. It's just comforting!
You guys continue to be in my heart and in my prayers! Love to all!

Cameron said...

I am glad you had the support of Shane to help you get through the bad parts. It is not easy at all and it is painful both physically and emotionally. I remember that Cary laid right beside me too while I sweated and screamed in pain. It was so bad he had to call 911. Of course at that point, we did not know it was a miscarriage but I assumed because it was so intense to later be told I was correct at the hospital.

I think it is exciting for you to go back to work. You will enjoy being among your peers and it will be therapeutic as well. I am glad you decided to help out your friend and take her spot. I will miss you but I will get you back the following year...maybe...LOL

Sorry I had to bail on the walk last night. I felt so bad. I am so stressed and totally needed it (which is why I probably couldn't walk last night...hint know my issue....stress doesn't help it does it??? LOL) It has been going on since our travels to PA on Friday....I am OVER it but it is not OVER me. GRRRRRR. 5 days now.

Make sure you follow your docs recommendations with the "getting his way with me" comment. It sucks but after what your body goes through, it has to be healed first before #3.

Love the pics and that is awesome the kids tried the cucumbers. (=

Love you

Staci said...

Congrats on the job! I was DYING to kow how it all worked out! I know you are so excited! I cannot wait to read about all your exciting adventures!

I am glad you had such great family and friends around you when you needed them most.... That makes hard things a little bit easier to bear!

Hugs and Congrats!!

That Girl said...

Facebook and blogs are my mental break too. Sometimes I take too many breaks btw, I see you posting to Staci sometimes and I think about saying hi but then realize you would have no idea who I am. lol

I am sooooo sorry that this has been so rough on you. I didnt have the contractions but I did have the 'passing' and that was enough to either make me cry or gag. It is such an emotional process that I had no idea about either. Now I understand.

Congrats on getting a job! That will be a nice little change of pace for you and may help distract you a bit. You seem like you would be a good teacher!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the pain. I didn't want to scare you. It is awful, but I still think it's better for a person than having a D&C. I don't know... I just feel like the less I am "prodded" on the better off I am. I don't know why I feel that way, I just do.

Congrats on the job! Sounds like a good change of pace.

And, I am jealous of your cukes. No matter how much I spray my green peppers with stuff that is "supposed" to keep bugs off them, they are all bitten into already! Wah!

Therese said...

Oh, Lisha, I know exactly what you mean about the physical pain of miscarriage. I still shudder when I think about my first miscarriage at 12 weeks at heart truly goes out to you!

Congrats on the job-I hope it gives you the peace you need right now!

Sara said...

Congrats on the new job! Love the pics of the kids with their cucumbers.